I originally wrote this blog post a few years ago and published it elsewhere. Helping a family member declutter, I was very forthright about a broken plate as you’ll read below. I just want to assure you that I am more gentle with clients!
When you hear the word decluttering, what comes to mind? Piles of unwanted clothes, toys and junk going to the tip, charity shop or Ebay? I’d like to expand your mind a little, I believe decluttering can change your life! Clutter for me isn’t just physical, it’s mental and emotional as well. Taking up unwanted space is the key, whether it’s in my house or mind. It’s all linked as well, decluttering physical stuff always makes me feel better emotionally. Over the last few years I’ve been on a real journey of discovery with my ‘stuff’ and what it all means to me. I’m here today to share my experience with the hope it can help you transform your life forever!
OK, grand promises out the way, let’s get on with it. As an adult, I have always kept more than I really need; clothes, books, CDs, toys for my daughters, kitchen storage and tools, random menus from American restaurants are a few examples. As a child growing up I had very little of anything so maybe there’s been some over compensating going on unconsciously. What’s been consistent is the fact that most of my stuff sits there untouched. I’ve also held onto the past with a vice like grip. Boxes and boxes of sentimental memories everywhere. It’s as if I somehow need them to stay attached to loved ones and happy times. The truth is, all that matters is now, the past is long gone and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. That’s really been accentuated these last couple of years with my girls dealing with some major health issues.
I believe everything comes down to balance. Letters from my Grandma when I was travelling the world 30 years ago are truly precious to me. Re-reading them brings her right back into the room with me. Her cackling laugh and wise words are always a welcome reminder of the comfort she brought to me and still does. Menus of all the restaurants I went to in America during Camp America in 1993 are just a reminder of two things: how expensive everything is now and that I was a menu thief in my twenties. Sorry, Denny’s, I.H.O.P. Tony Roma’s and the rest. My mum’s always been a bit of a hoarder so I guess some of that rubbed off on me too.
About 5 years ago I read “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo and everything changed in an instant. Well, in the three days and four minutes it took to read it. The key according to Marie is to keep things that spark joy in you. Whether it’s clothes, books, toys or American menus circa 1993. The idea is that you start off with your clothes as it’s supposedly the easiest part of your life to deal with. Sentimental stuff comes last. Every item of clothes goes into one pile / area and one by one, you hold it and ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?” I appreciate that an old pair of socks are unlikely to spark joy unless they’ve got a picture of Kate Bush on but bear with me.
One by one, I went through every item of clothes I had and realised a few things. Firstly, I didn’t wear the majority of my wardrobe. This is consistent with the 80 / 20 rule which is that generally, we wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time. Secondly, a lot of my clothes were very unflattering on me as back in the day, I used to only buy baggy clothes due to some body image issues. Some of these now resembled small tents on me. Finally, I actually didn’t like a lot of my wardrobe. I had stuff I was keeping for sentimental reasons, even though they didn’t fit or were more suited to a 70’s fancy dress party.
That day I got rid of 60% of my wardrobe. It all went to the local charity shop and I felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The knowledge that someone else would be getting use of all my discarded stuff gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. The fact that the charity were benefiting as well was a double whammy of positiveness. At that moment everything in my wardrobe sparked joy. Actually, that’s not quite true. There were items there that I was convincing myself I loved but didn’t. Basically, all my clothes that cost a lot of money. Marie talks about thanking your items to be discarded for the use they’ve given you and that helped me get rid of the stuff I was attached to financially. Over time, my wardrobe got smaller and smaller until I started recovering from binge eating disorder 4 years ago.
I then slightly, cross addicted into shopping, mainly at FatFace. Over time my wardrobe morphed into a FatFace store. Multiple jackets, hoodies, t-shirts, shorts, shirts, trousers, jeans, flip flops and baseball hats all took up residence and most are still there today, jostling for my attention. To be fair, I do wear everything and genuinely love every item I possess. I also discovered Vinted and have started selling stuff there as well as continuing to help keep the Keech Hospice shop in business with regular donations. The idea is that you keep all your clothes, toiletries, books etc in one place. Just to clarify, all your clothes in one place, not everything you own in one place, that would be insanity and very messy. This way, nothing gets misplaced or becomes new clutter. I’m still working on that but definitely getting there.
It’s also about having everything easily accessible for you to see and use. This was the best part for me. It’s all about the rolling; for example t-shirts proudly on display, not weighed down by 20 ones above it. Here’s how my t-shirts look today, I see everything, everywhere, all at once. Great film by the way.
Kate Bush, Gaga or Dangermouse Today?
As I continued going through other parts of the house and my life I started feeling lighter. Stuff going on that used to bother me, didn’t have such a detrimental effect any more. I started sleeping better too, it was like magic, weaving it’s mystical beauty everywhere. What I really found interesting was that the act of decluttering was bringing me joy and not just because it was my stuff. I have a family member who has a lot of clutter everywhere and finds it overwhelming. I offered to help and asked them to just focus on one box at a time. For me, always, it’s about small steps to avoid the overwhelm taking over and consuming me whole.
Over a few days we went through piles and boxes of just about everything and they reclaimed the space they hadn’t had for years. Knowing that I’d help make a small difference felt so good. The delicious lunches I got were an added bonus too. Spending quality time together was the triple reward. As I’m getting older, (54 soon!) time with family, especially the more mature members, feels very precious. Seeing my car full up with rubbish for the tip and unneeded stuff for charity shops was so cleansing. I say unneeded as there were plenty of things that were wanted but needed to go. This was an example.
Me: Why have you got this giant broken plate in the cabinet?
Them: It reminds me of my mum, it was hers.
Me: But it’s broken and you’ll never use it. You have lots of beautiful photographs to take you back, this can go to the tip.
Them: I’m not sure.
Me: This is what will happen. It will sit here, broken and unused, gathering dust until you die. Whoever clears your stuff will take one look at it and throw it away. Do you really want it?
Them: Go on then, throw it away.
This may seem a bit harsh but tough reality is sometimes required. That’s the way I roll people. We need to get rid of the junk and be free! I was so proud as it’s the sentimental things that are generally the hardest to deal with. Here’s a few before and after photos of the spaces. Dumping grounds into liveable and light spaces. It’s still ongoing but doesn’t resemble an assault course.
Goodbye Rubbish, Hello Freedom!
Next was my daughter Katie who asked for help as under her bed was resembling the Amazon jungle. Sorry, I couldn’t think of a better comparison, there weren’t actually any poison dart frogs, giant river otters or anacondas under there. There were however 8 bin bags worth of accumulated crap along with a few things that hadn’t been spotted since before lockdown. “I’ve been looking for that for soooo long” was the frequent response to the reappearance of a long lost lip balm, necklace and piece of Friends merchandise.
Actually, forget Friends, that’s so last year. First Dr Who, then Marvel, now Friends, what’s next? My little girl is growing up, it will all be Kafka and urban economics soon. Nooooo, stay young and forget the serious stuff. Again, it felt wonderful being able to help her reclaim her space. I offered to help my older daughter Jade with her similar under bed situation, but was met with an ice stare and “Absolutely not.” The offer’s there if she wants it.
So today, it’s a work in action. The loft is slowly being dealt with and most physical spaces in the house are now clutter free. I can honestly say that my mind now generally resembles a ghost town, complete with obligatory tumbleweed more than the packed throes of Piccadilly Circus it used to. Serenity is the overriding feeling, not madness and insanity. Living in clear, uncluttered spaces definitely mirrors how I feel inside. There are times of course that Piccadilly Circus barges it’s way into my head with noise and madness. When that happens, it’s a sign I need to find a quiet space, put on some Kate Bush music and relax. Please note, other artists and activities are available.
I would love to help people declutter their lives; physically, mentally and emotionally. If you’re reading this thinking, “I want to reclaim my space and life back,” then get in touch anytime.
Until next time.